end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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