Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
