I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize