he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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