You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
