you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
