You're my little dorito
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am one with the molecules
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
