I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
