My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize