I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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