AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
