Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You left your underwear on the fireplace
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
