i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
