Ambien. No doubt about it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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