why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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