Me. At least after what I've been through.
She announced her abortion via fbk
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
