And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
