he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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