The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
