I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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