Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
