so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
