well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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