can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
