Please, let me fuck your mom
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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