Redeem this text for a blowjob
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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