While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
