I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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