My first STD was from a foam party
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
