pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
