I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
