Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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