Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
