Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
