did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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