Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
