He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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