I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
