i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
