Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
