the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
