so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
