I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize