bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
