so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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