you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
