So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
