What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
