didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
