So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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