my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
