no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
