once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
