The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
