I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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