so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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