yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
