You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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