C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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