Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
