hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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