You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
