how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
