Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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