He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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