My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
