Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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