Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
