I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
